Deidra Gray-Breijo Wedding Officiant Minister - Deidra's Blog

I OFTEN GET ASKED...

5/31/2023

Why does a couple retain your services?
I feel a couple invites me to preside over their wedding ceremony because they are attracted to the way I'm able warmly connect with them when we first meet, either in person or during a phone consultation. Once the connection is established, they like how organized I am, and the approach I take in designing an original ceremony. Plus, I truly listen to their needs. Gaining the trust of my couples is extremely important. They want to be assured that I will deliver their marriage service in a heartfelt manner, with dignity and eloquence. Also, I always follow up with emails and communications promptly, because I know a Bride and Groom want an answer to a query almost immediately. It is not only polite that I exude happiness for their wedding day – it's actually genuine. My aim is to make my couple feel relaxed and confident that I've got this!

What drew you to this field?
Haven't we all been to a wedding where we thought the service that the Wedding Officiant, or Minister, delivered was not at all representative of the couple? As a guest, we know the Bride and Groom well, and hearing words which don't fit "who they are" as a couple, makes it seem like the service came straight off the internet, and relates to whomever!

As I have a background in journalism, I knew I could write wedding ceremonies that were inspiring and actually captured the essence of the couple. Therefore, 20-some years ago, I set about writing and designing wedding ceremonies. I knew the first thing was to gain a good relationship with my clients. This way, they would open up and allow me to find out their expectations and requirements. And with that knowledge, I would be able to source out their interests, their ideals for the future, what a marriage vow means to them, and of course ascertain their spirituality, if any.

What are some sources of inspiration or influences on your work?
I read every book I can find that I feel is relevant on marriage and relationships in today's society. Books from Self Help to Poetry. One of my favorite poetry pieces is called "Why Marriage?" by Mari Nichols-Haining. Because I understand the demands placed upon working couples, their aspirations, financial goals, traveling to wonderful places, making time for date nights, and getting through the general day-to-day stuff; it makes writing a marriage ceremony more poignant and truthful. Creating a magical ceremony comes from within – mind and heart. I also draw from my own experiences as a wife and stepmother, homeowner, businesswoman and animal lover (my husband and I currently have two rescue pups). All these things (plus yoga!) ground me, challenge me, and bring balance to my own very happy marriage and career.

BACKYARD WEDDING

5/18/2023

I really strongly advise that if you are doing a backyard wedding, utilize the money you have saved on a venue, and hire a Wedding Coordinator. A Wedding Coordinator will truly take away all the pressure during the days leading up to, and on your wedding day. She/he will have thought of a million things you may have overlooked, or that you just don’t have the time to achieve yourself. Putting too many tasks on your “to do” list will certainly cause some angst. So, hiring someone to take care of everything will actually allow you to enjoy this wonderful time in your life.

If you simply don’t have the budget to hire a coordinator, then make your “To Do” list and start your preparations as early as possible. First of all, work out how many guests will comfortably fit into your space and then start the process of working out the layout. Plan where the ceremony will take place, as that will be happening first. And then plan the seating for the reception. You will utilize the same seats for the ceremony as you need for the reception. Your tables can be all set up and ready, but moved to one side during the ceremony. Have a couple of friends ready to move the tables and chairs into place as soon as the ceremony is over.

VENDORS YOU WILL NEED:

A Party Supply Rental Company – for tables, chairs, tablecloths/napkins, glasses, coolers for ice, flatware, vases. Possibly a small dance floor if you have room.
An Officiant
Caterer
Florist
DJ

FLOWERS: If you plan on doing the flowers yourself, go to the Flower Market 2 days before the wedding and put the flowers in buckets until you have time to do them. I would definitely do the flower arrangements 1 day before the event (make sure they are kept in the shade). It is very time consuming to trim and arrange flowers in vases, so have a few helpers. Lots of flowers will make your tables look very beautiful. And get some pots of flowering plants to arrange in the garden too.
CANDLES: Candles make everything twinkle and look magical. So don’t spare on lots of votive candles everywhere.
MUSIC: If you can’t afford a DJ, have a friend who really knows how to make good playlists for everyone, not just their own taste in music. The music should suit all age groups of your guests.
FOOD & BEVERAGES: If you don’t have a caterer, have friends help with the food preparation. And designate one or two people to serve food, and someone else to serve the drinks.

Designate as much as you can to a few reliable and diligent people. This is your special day, so don’t get bogged down worrying about things. Pick helpers who will definitely come through on the day!

And finally, if you have three or four special helpers, don’t forget a little gift for them for their efforts!

BACKYARD WEDDING

5/16/2023

A wedding at home is lovely and very personal. If your budget doesn't allow for a grand and lavish expensive venue, I have some ideas to help you with your home venue. Stay tuned!

QUICK TIPS

5/15/2023

I know that you want to look absolutely fabulous on your wedding day, however, your wedding day is not the day to diet!!!

Make sure you start the big day by having a good, nourishing, well balanced breakfast, and if your ceremony is late in the day, also make time for a small lunch. And drink lots of water throughout the day too.

Your excitement will certainly bring on some jitters - that’s perfectly normal. But if you don’t eat, you could start to feel faint. And being light-headed or faint won’t get you through a long event. Plus, you don’t want to be drinking alcohol on an empty stomach either!

Another great tip is to ask your caterer to keep some food aside in a Bride and Groom To-Go Container. During the reception, both of you will be so busy with all the formalities, chatting to your guests, and dancing - that eating dinner won’t seem important.

However, you’ll definitely get the munchies later on when all the guests have long gone. Therefore, trust me, you’ll really appreciate a delicious package of food to take back to your room!

CAN I INCLUDE OUR DOG IN THE CEREMONY?

5/12/2023

Absolutely!

If your venue gives you permission and the Wedding Minister/Officiant is fine with it, then yes of course bring Fido or Lulu along.

Many couples believe that their beloved pet is truly a part of their family and therefore it should be included in the photographs which mark their huge event. I actually love it when the couple brings along their dog or doggies to the ceremony. It never fails to bring a smile to everyone’s face, especially the couple.
So, if the venue is in agreeance, I say do it. However, you must have a "handler" to look after your pet throughout the day and evening. You won't want to be looking after your dog because you'll have way too much to do, and too many people to acknowledge and spend time with. Therefore, a dog handler should be designated for the day.

And don’t forget to adorn your pet with some wedding attire, such as a bow tie or a white bandana. Even a little tulle skirt if you want her to be a fashionista and fit in with the bridal party. And don't forget the dog’s leash, it can be adorned with vine leaves or flowers as it walks down the aisle.

WHY NOW IS A GREAT TIME TO PLAN YOUR WEDDING

5/4/2023

It’s May! Spring is here and couples are now planning, with great eagerness and enthusiasm, their Summer or Fall wedding. If you haven’t begun yet because it seems a daunting task and you don’t know where to begin, no problem, here’s a couple of tips for the first things to do:

Book Your Venue:

Los Angeles is has so many options for wedding venues. But where to start? First, decide on the location/area that will suit you best. Your guests will travel to wherever you choose (within reason) so don’t worry about ‘where’ will please everyone. Tip: You’ll never please everyone!

Also, when making the venue choice for your event, consider the weather at that time of year. It is a very big factor if you are getting married outdoors. For example: if you are choosing August for your wedding day, do you really want to be in The Valley or areas that are extremely hot during the mid to late summer months? Perhaps you prefer a venue that is indoors, so that weather is not a factor at all. You really need to think the location of your venue through very carefully, as once you decide and make a deposit, it’s difficult to change your mind.

Research can easily be achieved by going to these very helpful wedding sites, such as: www.WeddingWire.com or www.weddingpro.com or www.theknott.com

Book Your Vendors Early:

If you find a vendor (such as an Officiant, Wedding Coordinator, DJ, Florist, etc.) whom you really like because they come highly recommended, or their services are everything you’re looking for, then don’t hesitate, book them as soon as possible or else you may miss out. There are many vendors to choose from, however, the highly experienced professionals will be secured quickly. Check out the same wedding sites above to research vendors if you don’t have referrals. Tip: Booking early will ease the angst and help make your wedding planning a smooth and enjoyable experience.

Good luck! And savor the excitement throughout the weeks and months leading up to your magical #weddingdayevent.

WEDDING SURVEY BY GUESTS

5/2/2023

I recently looked at a survey taken by 100 people, from all walks of life, who have attended wedding ceremonies over the past 6 years. I found the feedback quite interesting, so take a look and see if you can be enlightened from the results. And let me know if you agree or disagree!

The Wedding Ceremony

There were two things that stood out regarding the ceremony and they were:
1. The Ceremony should start On Time. People commented that they felt it was rude and inconsiderate to keep the guests waiting. They understood that couples usually put a time on the invitation which allows for parking and seating, however, to start the ceremony more than 30 minutes after guests arrive was frustrating. And they felt strongly if it was an outdoor wedding and they had to sit waiting in the heat or in the cold.
2. The Ceremony should not be Too Long. A ceremony that ran approximately 20-25 minutes was regarded as a very good length. Anything longer than that, they felt was too long.

The Cocktail Hour

Everyone liked the idea of a Cocktail Hour so that they could mingle with the other guests. It was said that one hour was long enough, and some even felt that 45 minutes was better. In regard to the drinks or wine selection, people did not expect a bar that had a wide variety of liquors available. However, they did expect a few wines to choose from of reasonable quality. They said serving a wine that was unpalatable didn’t allow them to have an enjoyable experience.

The Wedding Reception

Seating: People definitely wanted to be sat at a table where they knew other people, if possible. They said that sitting at a table full of strangers, with whom they had nothing in common, proved awkward.
Children: If many small children are invited to a wedding it was expected that there be an area cordoned off where they could sit or play. Also, they thought an adult sitter should be provided to look after them.
Food: Most people found that the typical Chicken or Fish selections were fine. They also liked to have a salad. Pasta did not rate well.
Wine: The same as stated in the Cocktail Hour. A few selections were appreciated and of a reasonable quality.
Dancing: Everyone liked the idea of dancing at a wedding. Music that is well known to all ages was thought appropriate. Current songs, as well as old songs from the 80’s and 90’s and even some tunes from the 60’s and 70’s were considered fun.

Wedding anniversary celebration

4/29/2023

Congratulations to me (and my husband of course)! We just celebrated our 31st Wedding Anniversary. Even though it was so many years ago, I still remember our wedding day and all the crazy preparations vividly. The big day took place in my home country of Australia in Queensland.

My husband (then fiancé) and I had absolutely no idea how to plan a wedding event, plus money was tight in our younger days, so we graciously accepted the offer of a friend to have the ceremony at her beautiful home with an ocean view. Keep in mind that there was no internet back then, so everything was sourced using The Yellow Pages (a huge telephone number reference book for all businesses). As Wedding Coordinators were not commonplace, we arranged everything ourselves. We rented tables and chairs, linens, glasses and a caterer. We hired a DJ and purchased a traditional Australian wedding cake (which is a heavy fruit cake with marzipan icing). Plus, we found an arch and appointed my dear parents to decorate it with flowers. They did an excellent job, considering it was their first (and last) job as florists!

An Officiant (or Celebrant as they are known as in Australia) was recommended to us, so we set up an appointment to meet her. Her name was Miriam. She was a stocky, short woman, whom we both towered over. I always thought that an Officiant should put you at ease and make a couple feel happy about their wedding day and the exciting future awaiting. However, Miriam’s somber demeanor had us shaking in trepidation. She immediately informed us that she took the commitment of marriage very seriously, and she wasn’t presiding over the ceremony for fun. And that was evident, because my usually very funny fiancé, sat stoic during the entire interview, and we dared not to smile in case she thought we weren’t taking things “very seriously”. Despite her stern, school marm, no nonsense, matter of fact approach, and knowing of no-one else, of course we hired her!

Apparently, we did take our marriage very seriously, because we have reached 31 fulfilling and happy years together and are robustly looking forward to the decades to come. So, here’s cheers to us!

BREATHE EASY!

4/28/2022

It seems that life is very much getting back to normal now that mask regulations have literally been lifted! This is great news for couples who are currently organizing their wedding and reception. And it's good news for vendors too.
If you are still a little nervous about the virus, then go ahead and have a mini-wedding, which remains a popular trend. Or, have the number of guests you desire, but do everything outside.

We have all come to love the outdoor seating in restaurants over the past couple of years, and who doesn't think an outdoor bar is fun!

There are so many outdoor venue options in Southern California. And because of our year-round glorious weather, we can almost guarantee sunshine, or at least no rain, during the months from May through November.

Times are ever-changing, but one thing seems very sure right now; weddings are back in full swing. Large hotels all over LA County are making the most of all the new wedding bookings for this summer and next year is also booking up rapidly.

Love, marriage and wedding celebrations are bright and booming, and I couldn't feel happier. And by the way, this week marks my husband's my 30TH Wedding Anniversary, and of course, celebrate we did!!!

COVID 19 AND PLANNING YOUR WEDDING

4/27/2022

Organizing your wedding, the most important and meaningful day in the life of you and your fiancé, should be an immensely happy and exciting occasion. And it will be, as long as you prepare for it in a realistic manner, taking in all the adjustments and modifications that we now need to address with the advent of Covid19.

Over the past year, couples all over the world have had the disappointing task of canceling or rescheduling their wedding day. It’s been heartbreaking for so many who have had their beautiful plans thwarted, let alone the trials of trying to rearrange everything, and everyone, to a new date. It can prove to be an emotional strain – to say the least.

I cannot predict when we will get back to “normal” times, however, I would like to offer advice to those of you who are finding the current challenges slightly overwhelming.

Firstly, your angst is not unfounded or unexpected, so be kind to yourself. Your wedding event may not be exactly as you anticipated, but keep in mind that that it doesn’t have to be big or grand to be amazing. Instead, I would keep the words; meaningful, heartfelt, elegant and romantic as top priorities. And scaling down in size is not such a bad thing. For starters, a small wedding will save money. It will also allow those in attendance to share in a more intimate occasion.

Get excited about the possibilities - be imaginative and creative! You can truly make your downsized wedding day spectacular by putting an emphasis on your décor. Reallocate your budget to other elements, such as a gorgeous floral arch, or elaborate centerpieces for the tables. And here’s what I think would be worth making a special feature - the food. With fewer guests, you can be more generous and bold with the food and its presentation.

If dancing is not permitted, still hire a DJ to play good music. And you could even hire some form of entertainment, such as a comedian, singer or dancer. As I said, be imaginative and most of all, have fun. Some couples I spoke to recently said that scaling down their ceremony actually turned out to be so much better than they imagined, and one couple said that perhaps it was meant to be because they could spend more money on their new house. Honestly, once you are looking into each other’s eyes and saying your vows to one another, everything else disappears. Nothing is more important or beautiful than that moment.

If you wake up every day feeling anxiety about your wedding, or can’t sleep at night because it keeps you up, then do some tried and true things to help relax your mind and get some rest. Don’t work on wedding planning late at night before bed. Exercise throughout the day. It’s always a great way to release stress. If your gym is closed, go for a walk or a run. Do some stretches, you can find online Pilates and yoga sessions too.

With that said, embrace what is genuinely precious - that you are loved by someone who will be by your side throughout all of life’s hurdles. Embrace that this very private moment of saying “I Do” doesn’t have to be stated before a large gathering. Those two important words, and your vows, are really only meant for each other. And those who are privileged to be invited hear those words, need only be a special few.

Create your own exercise routine, maybe a morning mat session of stretching for 20 minutes followed up by a lovely 15 minute walk with Fido!

Set a daily routine – perhaps allow just one hour in your schedule to focus on wedding planning, instead of being consumed for hours and getting bogged down. If you cannot personally visit your friends because of Covid, call them and try to keep the conversation uplifting and positive.

If you have serious issues to discuss, make sure you only share those discussions with people who really love and care about you. And remember to thank them for their support. Everyone in your circle of friends and family will want the best for you to have an unforgettable wedding event, and that can be achieved by being willing to compromise, and remaining calm and practical.

If your guests have concerns about their safety and what protocol will be enforced at the wedding venue, you need to truthfully advise them of what you have in place. They will want to know if masks are required and if social distancing will be implemented for the seating arrangements. They also may like to find out if hand sanitizing stations will be set up and if additional masks will be available, in case someone forgets to bring one. You must provide your guests with accurate information so that they know what to expect upon their arrival and throughout the evening. Informing your guests well in advance of the Covid 19 precautions you are taking is the right thing to do. This way, your guests can choose if they would like to attend based on whether they feel they can be safe celebrating your magical wedding day.

To conclude - love conquers all.

About Me

I was born in Sydney, Australia, however, I am now an American who has lived in sunny California for over 30 years. I have been creating and officiating wedding ceremonies for two decades. Each couple I meet, and each marriage I perform, brings me the greatest pleasure. It is truly an honor to know that my carefully chosen words will remain within the couple’s hearts forever.

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