Deidra Gray-Breijo Wedding Officiant Minister - Deidra's Blog

BREATHE EASY!

4/28/2022

It seems that life is very much getting back to normal now that mask regulations have literally been lifted! This is great news for couples who are currently organizing their wedding and reception. And it's good news for vendors too.
If you are still a little nervous about the virus, then go ahead and have a mini-wedding, which remains a popular trend. Or, have the number of guests you desire, but do everything outside.

We have all come to love the outdoor seating in restaurants over the past couple of years, and who doesn't think an outdoor bar is fun!

There are so many outdoor venue options in Southern California. And because of our year-round glorious weather, we can almost guarantee sunshine, or at least no rain, during the months from May through November.

Times are ever-changing, but one thing seems very sure right now; weddings are back in full swing. Large hotels all over LA County are making the most of all the new wedding bookings for this summer and next year is also booking up rapidly.

Love, marriage and wedding celebrations are bright and booming, and I couldn't feel happier. And by the way, this week marks my husband's my 30TH Wedding Anniversary, and of course, celebrate we did!!!

COVID 19 AND PLANNING YOUR WEDDING

4/27/2022

Organizing your wedding, the most important and meaningful day in the life of you and your fiancé, should be an immensely happy and exciting occasion. And it will be, as long as you prepare for it in a realistic manner, taking in all the adjustments and modifications that we now need to address with the advent of Covid19.

Over the past year, couples all over the world have had the disappointing task of canceling or rescheduling their wedding day. It’s been heartbreaking for so many who have had their beautiful plans thwarted, let alone the trials of trying to rearrange everything, and everyone, to a new date. It can prove to be an emotional strain – to say the least.

I cannot predict when we will get back to “normal” times, however, I would like to offer advice to those of you who are finding the current challenges slightly overwhelming.

Firstly, your angst is not unfounded or unexpected, so be kind to yourself. Your wedding event may not be exactly as you anticipated, but keep in mind that that it doesn’t have to be big or grand to be amazing. Instead, I would keep the words; meaningful, heartfelt, elegant and romantic as top priorities. And scaling down in size is not such a bad thing. For starters, a small wedding will save money. It will also allow those in attendance to share in a more intimate occasion.

Get excited about the possibilities - be imaginative and creative! You can truly make your downsized wedding day spectacular by putting an emphasis on your décor. Reallocate your budget to other elements, such as a gorgeous floral arch, or elaborate centerpieces for the tables. And here’s what I think would be worth making a special feature - the food. With fewer guests, you can be more generous and bold with the food and its presentation.

If dancing is not permitted, still hire a DJ to play good music. And you could even hire some form of entertainment, such as a comedian, singer or dancer. As I said, be imaginative and most of all, have fun. Some couples I spoke to recently said that scaling down their ceremony actually turned out to be so much better than they imagined, and one couple said that perhaps it was meant to be because they could spend more money on their new house. Honestly, once you are looking into each other’s eyes and saying your vows to one another, everything else disappears. Nothing is more important or beautiful than that moment.

If you wake up every day feeling anxiety about your wedding, or can’t sleep at night because it keeps you up, then do some tried and true things to help relax your mind and get some rest. Don’t work on wedding planning late at night before bed. Exercise throughout the day. It’s always a great way to release stress. If your gym is closed, go for a walk or a run. Do some stretches, you can find online Pilates and yoga sessions too.

With that said, embrace what is genuinely precious - that you are loved by someone who will be by your side throughout all of life’s hurdles. Embrace that this very private moment of saying “I Do” doesn’t have to be stated before a large gathering. Those two important words, and your vows, are really only meant for each other. And those who are privileged to be invited hear those words, need only be a special few.

Create your own exercise routine, maybe a morning mat session of stretching for 20 minutes followed up by a lovely 15 minute walk with Fido!

Set a daily routine – perhaps allow just one hour in your schedule to focus on wedding planning, instead of being consumed for hours and getting bogged down. If you cannot personally visit your friends because of Covid, call them and try to keep the conversation uplifting and positive.

If you have serious issues to discuss, make sure you only share those discussions with people who really love and care about you. And remember to thank them for their support. Everyone in your circle of friends and family will want the best for you to have an unforgettable wedding event, and that can be achieved by being willing to compromise, and remaining calm and practical.

If your guests have concerns about their safety and what protocol will be enforced at the wedding venue, you need to truthfully advise them of what you have in place. They will want to know if masks are required and if social distancing will be implemented for the seating arrangements. They also may like to find out if hand sanitizing stations will be set up and if additional masks will be available, in case someone forgets to bring one. You must provide your guests with accurate information so that they know what to expect upon their arrival and throughout the evening. Informing your guests well in advance of the Covid 19 precautions you are taking is the right thing to do. This way, your guests can choose if they would like to attend based on whether they feel they can be safe celebrating your magical wedding day.

To conclude - love conquers all.

The Debate over the First Look - yes or no?

1/18/2020

I know, the idea of your groom seeing you in your spectacular gown for the very first time when you walk down the aisle is a compelling reason to forego the “First Look” prior to the ceremony. However, there are also many pluses in favor of the First Look you may want to consider.

The First Look will certainly help you to overcome jitters and angst. Once you accomplish this well- orchestrated Reveal (as your wedding planner or photographer will coordinate it for you), it will really help you to calm down and relax a little before the ceremony. In addition, this special moment is extremely intimate and romantic. The photographer will be there to capture the exact moment each of you see one another, and that will be exciting, memorable and beautiful.

There’s also another good reason for the First Look. It will add some time for personal photographs, especially your portraits, as your timeline is usually very tight after the ceremony. So the Reveal will allow you both to get many photographs together and not feel so rushed. And then after the ceremony you can get all of those family photographs, which are many, but very necessary. And if you don’t have lots of family photographs, then you might actually have time to make an appearance at the cocktail hour - how fun would that be! Catching up with guests at the Cocktail Hour will to free up time trying to see everyone during the reception banquet.

Bottom line, the First Look opens up more opportunity to relax during the ceremony and part-take in all the festivities after the important ceremony is over.

MEMORIAL CEREMONIES – CELEBRATION OF LIFE

2/9/2019

I usually write about Officiating at wedding ceremonies and aim to provide lots of ideas to help make that special day for the Bride and Groom as flawless as possible. However, today I would like to focus on two other important occasions when an Officiant/Minister is usually required. These significant events are birth, and sadly, death.

Of course celebrating the birth of a child is always a delight. A Baby Blessing Ceremony (or Baby Naming Ceremony), is a very happy occasion for the parents, god-parents, grandparents and extended family and friends as they welcome and honor a gorgeous baby into the world. I adore Officiating at these wonderful ceremonies – when there’s a cute baby involved, really, what’s not to love!

However, I am also called upon to preside over Memorial Ceremonies, or as they are becoming more frequently called, “A Celebration of Life”. We are all confronted with the loss of a loved one at some point in life. It’s unavoidable. My father passed away a few years ago and so I truly understand the feeling of loss and pain. Grief can be quite overwhelming and it seems like it will never go away.

During the first few days after losing my dad, I thought I could never cry another tear again, because my body had shed all tears possible. From this experience, I know that it took the coming together of close family and friends to help in the healing process. When we all gathered for a Memorial Ceremony at a beautiful venue chosen by my mother, the support and closeness of everyone in the same room provided great comfort. A female Officiant conducted the service with great compassion and dignity. Also, a wonderful eulogy was given by my brother - we all cried and laughed as we heard lovely family memoirs. I also stood up and spoke, which was extremely important to me. My niece, a flautist, performed “Amazing Grace” and my father was honored for his service to his country, Australia, during World War II. All of these things helped immensely to overcome grief and celebrate his life. It was actually a happy event, happy in that we gave my father a service he would have loved. It was a ceremony of great respect, it rallied us with uplifting thoughts, and comforted everyone present.

When I am asked to Officiate at a Memorial Ceremony, I do so knowing exactly what the family require from me. I realize that they are hurting deeply and hope to be provided with solace, empathy and be inspired.

Most of all, they want to feel good about truly honoring their loved one. It’s a very rewarding feeling for me.

processional & Recessional music

12/2/2017

There are two very important segments of music during the wedding ceremony. They can be modern instrumental music, or music with lyrics if you prefer. This information will advise you about well-known traditional classical music for the Processional of the Bride at the beginning of the ceremony. And, traditional classical music for the Recessional of the Bride and Groom at the end.
I would love to take a moment to go over with you the difference between the two very well-known and traditional wedding music compositions. I am doing this because, so many DJ’s get these two pieces of music confused. No offence to any DJ who may be reading this - but having been to a quite a few weddings where the incorrect piece was played, I felt I had to help out by informing you, and couples, the difference between the “Processional” music and the “Recessional” music.

So that everyone understands the “processional” is the very start of the ceremony. It is where the groom, bridal party and the bride and her escort (usually her father), all walk slowly down the aisle. The groom and bridal party have a separate piece of music than that of the bride. The bride’s entrance music is traditionally quite slow, graceful and formal. It can easily bring tears of emotional joy from the audience, family members, and sometimes even the groom, as they watch the bride beautifully and regally walk towards her groom, who awaits with anticipation for her to stand by his side.

Composer, Richard Wagner

The well-known classical piece that is used for the entrance of the bride, is called “The Bridal Chorus” It was written by Richard Wagner in 1850 for the opera, Lohengrin. You often hear this piece referred to as “Here Comes The Bride”. The Bridal Chorus was used for the entrance of the bride in the 1991 version of the wonderful film “Father of the Bride” with Steve Martin. It is a piece known by all - as it instantly lets everyone know from the first chord that the bride is coming!

The “recessional” is at the very end of the ceremony - after the couple have kissed they both walk down in the aisle together in a state of great elation and excitement. And so the music for the end of the ceremony is very different tempo from that of the tranquil processional. The end of ceremony calls for joyful music of celebration!

The very lively and bright classical piece that sounds triumphant and brings joy to all, is called “The Wedding March” written by Mendelssohn. It is from “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” written in 1826.

Composer, Felix Mendelssohn

The only reason that I mention these two compositions of music is because these are the two that can get mixed up. There are so many other classical pieces that are beautiful too.
See below for my favorites:

Canon in D by Pachelbel
Arioso by Bach
Romance by Mozart
Ave Maria by Schubert
Intermezzo from Cavalleria Rusticana by Pietro Mascagni
O Mio Babbino Caro by Puccini

WEDDING PREP PRESSURES

3/10/2016

Why is that when your beloved proposed to you it was the happiest, most romantic and carefree day ever! And then, as the process of planning your wedding gets into full swing, carefree is not the adjective to describe your feelings. Instead of being deliriously excited and welcoming all aspects of wedding coordination – somewhere along the way everything becomes a little overwhelming, and this causes stress!

Try to avoid being that dramatic bride or couple who worries about the most trivial of things. Be creative, yet realistic. Be open minded, yet have a concept and a plan. Be kind and responsive to people offering advice, yet stay focused on your own vision.

Is it possible for a Bride and Groom to accomplish a magical event without the anxiety that goes along with it? I’m not going to sugar-coat it – probably not. There will be some stress and there will be times when you become quite frustrated and anxious. But most of the time, planning will be fun and seeing all the elements of your big day coming together shall be extremely gratifying.

On those days when you are feeling low, keep in mind that your wedding ceremony is an important and significant life event.
It is not just an elaborate one-day party. It is a beautiful celebration of a lifelong commitment to the one you are devoted to and deeply in love with.
It is the beginning of an extraordinary journey with the only person whom you wish to spend all of your days beside.
It is embracing that person’s family, and him or her, embracing your family too.
It’s the probability of bringing children into the world together. Your single life has passed, and you are part of an exquisite and enduring relationship. You really are a ‘grown-up’ now, ready to take on new and rewarding responsibilities.

If you focus on what a “wedding” truly embodies and don’t lose sight of that, then you are on the right path. Your wedding day is a stepping stone to your future together. Long after the cake has been cut and the last drops of champagne have drained from the guests’ glasses – at the end of the night there is only you and your spouse. And while there might be a few hiccups and some tension that comes with wedding planning – who cares – be happy for the endless possibilities that are awaiting you both.

Any Advice?

10/9/2015

I have lots of advice for my clients, but only if they would like to receive it. If I think a couple would like to know my opinion based upon my experience, then I gladly offer it. If I get the feeling that they want to do things exactly one way – then I would never try to change their minds. Everyone should strive to have the wedding day they truly want if possible. My advice is – go with your heart, but always be realistic. With that said, I do have a few tips:

HAVE AN USHER
I really believe an usher is an invaluable asset on the wedding day. Two ushers to greet and welcome your guests would actually be perfect. Ask a friend or a relative to take on this role for you, and I guarantee they'll be happy to help out. Perhaps you could choose someone whom you weren't able to have as a bridesmaid or groomsman because you simply couldn't ask all your friends or cousins as it would be too many! An usher is someone who is assigned to graciously greet your guests with a smile when they arrive and helps to provide information. For example, some of your guests may bring their wedding gift to the venue. However, they don't want to carry the gift around with them, so they will need to know where the Gift Table is located. The usher can either advise where the Gift Table is, or he/she can take the gift from the guest and place it on the table for them. This act of efficiency and kindness sets the tone for a very polished and well organized wedding event.

Ushers can hand out Ceremony Programs too, if you have them, and show people where they can sign the Guest Book. Additionally, guests (especially ladies who need to fix their make-up) usually head to the bathroom upon their arrival, and having an usher to tell them where it's located is always appreciated. Lastly, guests like to find out if the seating for the ceremony is 'open seating' or if it is 'traditional' (traditional seating is where the Groom's friends and family are seated on the right side, and the Bride's friends and family are seated on the left side). An usher will know this information and inform the guests so they feel comfortable taking their seats where the Bride and Groom prefer. You may think that your Wedding Coordinator can do these things - but really, your Wedding Coordinator has so many other tasks to do, it's better to allocate these things to a couple of very close friends or family members who are only too pleased to assist you.

HAVE A WEDDING FILE THAT KEEPS EVERYTHING IN ORDER
A well organized wedding file is most important. You will need to keep all of your vendors invoices and receipts and contracts in a safe place and somewhere that you have easy access to them. Get a large three ring binder with section dividers and categorize sections pertaining to: wedding venue/ wedding attire/ wedding officiant/ wedding coordinator/ photography/ catering/ entertainment/ wedding cake/ flowers/ lighting/ sound equipment/ props/ wedding favors/ gifts for bridesmaids & groomsmen/ transportation.

You need to be able to look at the status on all of these items throughout your planning stages - so file everything into your large binder and you won't misplace any important paperwork. Also, make yourself reminders on your computer or smart phone when your final payments to vendors are due.

HAVE A MICROPHONE FOR THE OFFICIANT DURING THE CEREMONY
A microphone is most important so that all of your guests can actually hear the wedding ceremony. Discuss the microphone requirements with your Officiant - find out exactly what suits her best. I prefer a microphone on a stand as this is the best quality and provides good and clear sound. A mic on a stand also allows for guest readers to come up and read from the same microphone. And I can hand the microphone to the couple if they are reading personal vows to one another.

TAKE A WEEKEND OFF FROM WEDDING STUFF
It is great to be well organized and stay on top of everything. Your wedding day file will grow and grow during your months of planning. It will seem like there's always something to do and while this is an exciting project for you both, it can get to be a little overwhelming. It may not bother you, but your fiancé may love to have one weekend where you don't talk about the wedding at all. So do just that - escape! Leave the wedding file untouched and take a break - go away for a weekend to the mountains or a beach resort. Or go on a long hike or a picnic. Take the dogs to the park and follow up with a movie. Taking a breather - doing some simple things together (just like you did when you first met) is necessary to bring some fun and laughter and romance to each other.

LET'S Talk Weddings!

9/30/2015

FAVORITE WEDDING VENUE

I often get asked what my favorite wedding venue is – that’s a difficult question because everyone has a different dream for their wedding day experience.

My dream wedding for my fiancé and I was to be on a gondola in Venice and to be serenaded by a handsome gondolier as we romantically glided to a little chapel on a secluded canal. However, if you have ever looked into getting married in Italy – there’s quite a lot of red tape involved (to say the least)! Plus it was very unrealistic to hope that my friends and family would be available to travel so far. Therefore, I came back to reality and opted for a lovely garden ceremony at a private estate in Beverly Hills – it was in the early evening in late Spring so that it wouldn’t be too hot. For us – it was perfect.

ANY MISTAKES THAT COUPLES MAKE WHEN CHOOSING A VENUE?

The most common mistake is choosing an outdoor venue in Winter and not anticipating the heat or sun placement over the altar area when the date finally arrives in mid-Summer. Guests and the bridal party dread standing or sitting for 30-45 minutes in the direct heat if the temperatures are high. Couples need to keep in mind, that if your guests are seated in a comfortable environment, everyone will truly enjoy your special event.

A beach wedding may sound romantic but ask yourself some questions. Will it suit elderly guests? And what about wind? Or, unexpected rain? Or ambient loud noise and people you don’t know who are on the beach! What if there’s a heatwave and the sand is red hot and your guests and bridal party are melting! Choosing a beach venue means keeping an open mind and being willing to take a risk. The beauty of the ocean and the hour before sunset is only perfect if the temperature is perfect. I suggest that couples weigh up all the plus and minuses.

The points I have made should also be considered with any outdoor setting on a very hot day. A park may be lovely when it's about 74 degrees, but if there are no shady trees and it's 94 degrees - not so lovely. Don't be afraid to bring in colored or white umbrellas - they will look great and add depth to the décor.

If choosing a restaurant or indoor venue to get married – well, that’s easy. There's no weather factors to be concerned about - you are in a controlled environment and so that's one less thing to worry about. My favorite restaurant for weddings is il Cielo in Beverly Hills www.ilcielo.com. It’s gorgeous and romantic and they do wedding ceremonies there all the time, so they know exactly what they are doing. And the food, ambiance and staff are great too!

There are so many amazing hotel venues that I couldn’t even begin to go through them all - but feel welcome to ask me because I have worked at nearly all of the major hotels in Los Angeles. I do love the Ritz Carlton in Marina del Rey, and also Casa del Mar in Santa Monica. It all depends upon your budget, therefore you will need to research hotel venues very carefully and find out exactly what they provide in their event package.

Welcome to my new website

9/30/2015

I updated my website, what do you think? Plus, I made a video.

About Me

I was born in Sydney, Australia, however, I am now an American who has lived in sunny California for over 30 years. I have been creating and officiating wedding ceremonies for two decades. Each couple I meet, and each marriage I perform, brings me the greatest pleasure. It is truly an honor to know that my carefully chosen words will remain within the couple’s hearts forever.

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